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Conor Heun - Not Your Typical Prizefighter

Fri, 02 Mar 2012 03:25:00 GMT

"I don’t have any ill will towards Ryan. It’s just the place that he’s put himself, and that’s in front of me and in front of my dream. I can’t stand for that." - Conor Heun

Strikeforce lightweight Conor Heun

Conor Heun’s father Jim had a picture hanging on the wall of his office that wasn’t the usual shot of a bowl of fruit or the Colorado mountains. Instead, it was a pretty notable cartoon of a stork holding a frog in his mouth while the frog wrapped its hands around the stork’s neck. The caption? “Never Give Up.”

“That stuck with me and it’s something that resonates with me,” said the younger Heun, who took that adage to heart and brought it into his mixed martial arts career, most notably in a bout with Magno Almeida last September that saw him caught in a tight armbar in the second round.

“Magno’s a submission wiz and I’m a wrestler,” Heun recalled. “It’s the classic matchup back in the 90’s. What happens if you take a jiu-jitsu guy down? You get armbarred. Well, that’s what happened. But he didn’t realize that I was willing to sacrifice that for the win.”

What Heun sacrificed was his health, or at least the health of his right arm, as he refused to tap to Almeida, even when it was clear that his arm was being taken to places it wasn’t meant to see. Eventually, Heun got free, dislocated elbow and all, and he not only made it through the second round, but he won the third and the fight.

Never give up.

“Tapping out to me is giving up,” said Heun, who improved to 9-4 with the win. “If you knock me out, I’m out, that’s it, that’s my body saying it’s done, and if you choke me out, I’m out. But other than that, I have a real hard time giving up, and that’s what tapping out is.”

So he didn’t do it. As simple as that sounds, it’s much more complex than that, but in the Reader’s Digest version, Heun’s stay in Strikeforce hadn’t been the most successful entering the Almeida bout. He had dropped back-to-back decisions to Jorge Gurgel and KJ Noons, and a third consecutive loss might have earned him his walking papers, and he knew it.

“Yeah, I’d be out of a job,” he said. “I knew that going in. And I knew he was gonna catch me, as #$%$ up as that sounds. But I knew what I was getting myself into. I’m a pretty intuitive person, and I knew that that fight was gonna be a rough fight. But I knew I was gonna come out victorious.”

Now for the more complicated part. Conor Heun doesn’t see things the way most professional fighters do. For them, MMA is a sport, a competition. They will shake hands with their opponent before the bout, and do the same afterward. Heun will do the hand shaking part, but when it comes to everything else, this isn’t just a sport for him, something he made clear with a nearly 1,500 word blog that could best be described as the Heun manifesto.

“MMA is a sport but “fighting” is not,” he wrote. “Boxing is a sport. Wrestling is a sport. Jiu Jitsu is a sport. These sports have scoring systems in place designed to determine the winner and the object is to score more points than your opponent. Fighting is not a sport. In fighting, the winner is the guy who walks away able to return to his family with his freedoms intact. In the defense of one’s freedoms and one’s family, the total destruction of one’s enemy is justified. MMA is a sport but it is based on fighting, because of this it is a brutal and savage sport.”

Heun’s piece shot through the MMA world in the past week, leading up to his Strikeforce bout against Ryan Couture this Saturday in Columbus, Ohio, and with good reason, as it touched on many aspects of fighting and his place in the fight world that don’t get discussed too much, at least on the record. But Heun bravely bared his soul for the world to see.

“I’m a deeply emotional person, and writing is a way for me to express some of those feelings in a productive manner and sort of step back and take a look at my own dysfunction sometimes,” he chuckles. “But I think it speaks to some people. People can tell that it’s real, people can tell that it’s from my heart. I posted it on the Underground (Forum) and it’s got something like 16,000 views. But I’m not sure if people really know what to think about it.”

Of course, the bullet point was Heun’s comment that “On March 3rd in Columbus Ohio I will fight Ryan Couture and I will use everything in my power to destroy him,” but as the Colorado native makes clear, “I don’t have any ill will towards Ryan. It’s just the place that he’s put himself, and that’s in front of me and in front of my dream. I can’t stand for that. And that’s what he wants. He wants a great fight, I want a great fight, and we’re gonna go out and throw down. But understand where I’m coming from. I’m going to war and I’m willing to die.”

It’s a blunt and harsh statement, and while there are dangers inherent in any contact sport, you never want to see anyone leave the field of play forever changed by the act of competition. Heun has left forever changed though. The refusal to tap in the Almeida bout wasn’t a spur of the moment decision, and going in, he knew what the repercussions could be. But he’s dealt with them, even if some don’t realize what they were.

“I think informed fans understand the repercussions and I actually feel that I may have done a disservice to the fans a little bit by the video I posted a couple weeks after the Almeida fight, saying ‘hey, I’m fine,’” he said. “It was a long and arduous recovery, a lot of physical therapy, my arm doesn’t go straight the way it used to anymore, but I wouldn’t take that back. I wouldn’t have gone back and done it any different.”

And if you wonder what Jim Heun thinks of his son’s fighting philosophy, you need not look any further than his corner on the night of the Almeida fight, as he was there, remaining as his son describes him, “my biggest fan.”

Heun remembers the weekends growing up when the Friday night before a wrestling tournament involved a trip to Blockbuster Video to rent old UFC tapes and watch them with his dad, who was also his coach. But his father’s influence went way deeper than that.

“When I was a little kid, I had bunk beds in my room and my dad was my wrestling coach,” recalled Heun. “That top bunk always had a kid in it from his team that was struggling with his family, had abusive parents, or an alcoholic father, and he was always opening our home to other young men to give them a respite. And he taught people double leg takedowns and arm drags, but he also taught young boys how to be men. And I believe that’s gonna be my highest calling.”

In fact, that’s a big reason why he does what he does. It’s not for fame or glory, but simply to provide a better life for himself, everyone around him, and maybe even some people he hasn’t even met yet.

“I’m fighting because eventually I want to open a gym, I want to have a place that I can call home, I want to have a place for me and my girlfriend where we can live and raise a family that no one can take away from me, whether it’s an apartment or a house,” he said. “I want to own a place where I can live and then I want to start teaching. I started fighting professionally in 2006, but I was a very small, very angry young kid growing up and I was in a lot of fights where there weren’t contracts and where there weren’t refs and judges, where people were trying to beat me down and take my freedom and marginalize me. And that’s where my fighting started. And I believe I’ve got some karmic debt that needs to be repaid for things that I’ve done back then, for guys I met in the street that didn’t know what they were getting themselves into. And I feel that the way I’m gonna be able to do that is by living a life of honor and integrity and acting as a role model for young boys. And I feel like in our society there are so many kids who don’t have positive male role models in their life. They don’t have anyone teaching them what it means to live with integrity and how to be a man.”

Yet all those dreams will have to be put on hold if he loses to Ryan Couture this Saturday night. Maybe now you’ll see why he thinks the way he does.

“Hopefully, I can take care of Ryan and get him out of the fight quickly with minimal injury to him or myself, collect that win bonus, and move on to the next fight,” he said. “If I can finish four guys this year, and that’s my goal, I think that puts me in line for a title shot.”

That would be some year. Heun knows it too, and he wants the world to follow him on that journey.

“I hope it inspires people to chase their dreams because that’s what I’m doing – I’m chasing my dream.”

And he’ll never give up.

Quitting is not an option for Conor Heun

Thu, 01 Mar 2012 16:36:00 GMT

Quitting is not an option for Conor Heun

February 29th, 2012 by Aaron Tanner

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Photo courtesy of Esther Lin

When a fighter says they’ll leave it all in the cage, it’s so cliché that it barely merits attention. But when Conor Heun says it, he is stating a fact. Less than 2 minutes into his fight with Marlon Matias, Heun suffered a broken jaw via a knee to face. In his most recent bout, the 10^th Planet jujitsu brown belt, had his elbow completely dislocated. Conor not only fought through the pain, he triumphed in spite of it, winning both bouts by unanimous decision. With less than a week before he gets back into the cage to face Ryan Couture, “Hurricane” checked in with TapOut Radio to render his thoughts going into this fight.

Strengths and weaknesses

“Ryan and I both come from a wrestling background. I wrestled in college, I don’t think he did. From what I’ve seen in his game, he likes to clinch, he tries to take the back, he likes to slip under punches with the duck under and get to the back standing and take the fight to the ground. As for striking, he seems to be real smart, staying on the outside and using his foot work, his jab. He doesn’t seem to usually get dragged into slugfests. He’s definitely a tough kid. He’s well rounded and of obviously, he’s been working hard. I’d imagine with his last name, he’s got trainers lining up to work with him. I’m sure he makes huge improvements from fight to fight. It should be an interesting time next Saturday night.”

The importance of this fight

“I don’t think that really matters to him. It’s not like he’s coming off two losses in a row like I was my last fight. Coming off of two losses in a row, you better win. Maybe not if your last name is Couture, but if your last name is Heun, I think they send you home and give you your walking papers if you pick up three in a row.”

Fighting is not a sport

“I get really upset and emotional about fighting. When I started out fighting, it wasn’t in front of fans, and it wasn’t for money. I was fighting because some kid was trying to punk me, trying to marginalize me, trying to make fun of me. I’ve been blessed with the physical attributes and mental toughness to compete in this game, or I should say in this sport, at the highest level, because that’s really what it is. A fight’s not over till I say it’s over. A fight doesn’t have judges. A fight has a winner and a loser, and the winner is the one who walks away with his pride intact. The loser is the guy lying broken on the concrete when the cops show up. I know that Ryan likes to play the game and likes to compete, but I know the sport doesn’t mean to him what it means to me. I’m going to try to drag him into a fight, and the fact that there’s people watching it and judges scoring it, that’s great. It’s awesome that I get a check instead of a ticket or a jail sentence afterwards. I’m going to go out there and try to kill him, try to put him to sleep and try to smash him. When he steps in front of me he’s disrespecting me. I’ve been training to break other men’s souls, spirits and bodies since I was five years old, and I’m not about to stop yet.”

Commercialism of MMA

“Fighting, to me, is an art. Whenever art becomes popular, people try to profit from it. There’s a business, and the business is all fun and games, and I’m grateful to be a part of it. But when I fight, I’m not thinking about judges, I’m not thinking about anything. I’m just trying to flow, and show where I’m at in my evolution. The money behind it all, the judges, to me, take away from it. I’d be happy to fight Ryan in an alley with nobody watching, no time limit, no refs, nobody to pull me off of him when he’s unconscious.”

Strikeforce’s Marketing

“I think women’s MMA needs a push. This is a great fight. Both of those girls are extremely talented. There’s a U.S. Olympic medalist fighting. I think that’s phenomenal and they deserve all the press they can get.”

Weight Cut

“I don’t really cut weight anymore. I eliminated all artificial flavors, preservatives and colors from my diet just before the KJ Noons fight. Since then, the weight has just fallen off. I walk around at about 4% body fat and 162 lbs. I wake up on the morning of the fight and put on my plastics and do an hour of yoga and I’ll be on weight.”

Worries About Health

“I don’t worry about that, perhaps I should. I’ve got a mom, a girlfriend, dad and a sh*tload of loved ones that worry about that enough for everybody. I worry about winning, putting food on the table, inflicting more damage on my opponent than he inflicts on me. Ryan Couture has never knocked anybody out and he’s not going to knock me out. A tough chin isn’t a muscle you can develop; your chin is your will. You refuse to go down.”

With a ‘go for broke’ attitude, and the talent to back it up, it’s no wonder that Conor is such a huge crowd favorite. Heun faces off against Ryan Couture this Saturday, March 3, in what is certain to be a fight for the ages. You can catch his fight on Showtime Extreme.

Follow Conor via his Twitter @ConorHeun

Listen to the audio from this interview at TapouT Radio

What I'm Fighting For

Sun, 19 Feb 2012 16:11:00 GMT

I do not believe in breaking and beating down another man strictly for the entertainment of others. Fighting is about defending what is yours from those who attempt to oppress you. Fighting is a means for defending the freedoms and inalienable human rights that other’s may attempt to take from you. Engaging in combat with someone to test each other’s will and test each other’s skill so that you both may grow and evolve is what the “sport” of MMA is about. Mixed Martial Arts is path towards physical and spiritual growth through controlled, regulated and judged hand-to-hand combat. MMA is a sport but “fighting” is not. Boxing is a sport. Wrestling is a sport. Jiu Jitsu is a sport. These sports have scoring systems in place designed to determine the winner and the object is to score more points than your opponent.

Fighting is not a sport. In fighting, the winner is the guy who walks away able to return to his family with his freedoms intact. In the defense of ones freedoms and ones family, the total destruction of ones enemy is justified. MMA is a sport but it is based on fighting, because of this it is a brutal and savage sport.

On March 3^rd I will step into the Strikeforce cage across from Ryan Couture because he has agreed to compete against me in the sport of Mixed Martial Arts. On March 3^rd in Columbus Ohio I will fight Ryan Couture and I will use everything in my power to destroy him. I will be justified in doing so because I am in a place where he is an oppressor attempting to take my freedom and take the food out of my loved one’s mouths.

I put myself in this place with the decisions that I have made. People tell me, “You’re 33 years old, why don’t you get a job? Why don’t you get an apartment? Why don’t you get married and have kids?” I want to do these things but I am a fighter. Becoming a fighter was not a choice, I was born this way, it is in my blood. MMA is my calling and for this season of war it is the path I’ve chosen to walk. When you sign the bout agreement you are placing yourself in harms way as you are attempting to hinder my ability to provide for my family.

My happiness and my ability to live the life I want depends on winning in this brutal game we call Mixed Martial Arts. I have put myself here. I have backed myself into a corner where I am truly fighting for my life. If I don’t win I don’t get my check and If I don’t get my check, I won’t be able to put food on the table for myself and my loved ones. I have created a situation through my choices, where I am fighting a life or death battle. I know inside that the creation of this life or death situation is why I have made the choices I’ve made. I have created this environment to motivate myself, to force myself into a place where I am free to do anything to win the fight, to take any chance and make any sacrifice. I have built a reality where I feel justified allowing an opponent to break my arm in rout to victory so that I can collect my check and provide food and shelter for the people that I love and care about.

Sure, I have a college education and I could presumably do other things yet no one’s knocking on my door offering me a job but people are calling me on the phone telling me that I have to fight on March 3^rd if I want to be able to eat for the next few months. They also tell me that if I lose, I’ll get half the money and that I might not get that call again.

I step into the cage with one thing on my mind and that is to kill the man standing across from me. He is the man trying to take what I need to survive. At this point it is no longer a game. At this point it is real fucking serious. People tell me I should have tapped out in my last fight and lost. If I told you that I was going to take your job away from you unless you let me break your arm I bet you’d let me break your arm. You’d have to. What would you do? What would you be willing to do so that you wouldn’t have to tell your wife that you’re going to lose the house? What would you do to avoid telling your kids that they aren’t ever going to be able to graduate high school and go to college because they need to start working if they want to eat? If you wouldn’t let me break your arm to save your family from those hardships then you are a fucking coward and you have no right to call yourself a man.

I try to elevate myself above the commercialism that is the “game” of modern MMA. I try to justify the destruction of my opponent by telling myself that it is consensual violence and that we’ve both agreed to battle to test each other. Well the fact of the matter is, unless you are willing to die in that cage then you are at a supreme disadvantage because I’ve put myself into a situation where winning the fight IS a life or death matter. I have made my bed but I’m not willing to lie in it. I’m not laying down for anyone. If you don’t need to win this fight, if it’s just a hobby for you, something you do to impress your friends or for the “love of competition” then when you face me, a man who has created a reality in which I must win in order to live, you are at a HUGE disadvantage.

There are documented stories of women lifting cars off of their babies and saving their lives. There are documented stories of people trapped under boulders in the wild cutting off their limbs to free themselves. There are countless tales of mortals performing superhuman feats in order to save their own lives or the lives of their loved ones when faced with insurmountable obstacles. I am not facing an insurmountable obstacle; I am facing Ryan Couture.

I have created a reality for myself in which winning in the cage on March 3^rd is a life or death situation. Good fucking luck trying to stop me from doing so. I struggle to come to peace with the destruction that I will bring upon you but I tell myself that you agreed to the rules, you agreed to fight me and that no one forced you to try and ruin my life and crush my dreams. You choose to do it out of arrogance and disrespect for the warrior that I am. If you haven’t been living under a rock for the last 6 years you know that I am capable of overcoming ANY physical obstacle in the pursuit of my dreams and my dream is to strap the Strikeforce belt around my waist. This is really just a means to an end for me. The belt is just a symbol that I have reached a place where my talent has been recognized and that by walking this path I have earned the right to own my own home and to provide for my loved ones.

I have created a reality where doing this depends on my obliteration of anyone who stands before me in that Strikeforce cage and Ryan Couture, you choose to stand in the way of my happiness and because of that choice, I will break you. I have no other choice.

I do not ask forgiveness for the violence that I will bring to you because you stand in the way of a life of peace and happiness for me and my loved ones. I want you to know that I admire your spirit and respect you as a warrior. I don’t know what your life is like and I don’t know what this fight means to you, but On March 3^rd I will be fighting for all that I love and believe in. Saturday night you will step into the cage across from the most highly motivated, focused and determined warrior you have ever faced and with the world as my witness, I will do everything in my power to destroy you.

Conor Heun Explains The Finer Details of Elevation Training and Hallucinogenic Experiences

Thu, 09 Feb 2012 16:40:00 GMT

Conor Heun is the closest thing MMA has to a Shaman, a master of the elements, finely in tune with the earth and the energies of the world around him. I've come to grips with that, and I hope you can too, because you're going to have to by the time you finish this interview. Rather than stand atop a mountain in Colorado guiding wary souls gently back onto their lost paths, Conor Heun is channeling his energies into fighting for now, and the next opponent he plans on sharing the cage experience with is Ryan Couture, which will be going down at Tate Vs. Rousey.

We discussed his upcoming opponent, Conor's training regimen and his methods for righting one's internal path via the use of hallucinogens in this interview conducted by Elena Lopez.

Do you think Ryan Couture is a little bit over his head in his future bout with you? You know he's a tough kid but I don't think he's fought anyone like me. He's a pro fighter sure, but I look at his fights and I look at my fight with KJ Noons for example. I learned a lot from that fight with KJ as far as fighters staying outside and scoring points. Couture is going to be in a fight not a point match I'm going to bring him a war. If he beats me it's a huge step up for him I'm not sure if he's willing to go as far as I'm willing to go to win the fight. He fought my friend Bollinger at Tuff E Nuff in an amateur fight and they went to a draw. Bollinger is a real tough kid so he's good but his heart, hands and conditioning in that fight were nowhere near my level. Ryan's gonna have a real tough time.

The Majority of his wins are by submission, how will you handle that? He's obviously proficient. I've watched his fights but his opponents have made mistakes I'm not going to make. I took second at Grapplers Quest out here and I was taking down other finalists, he took third in state in high school wrestling and never wrestled in college. I took second and went on to wrestle five years at college so he has nothing on me. The only place where it he might have the advantage is because he has I guess what we can call 'Ring Generalship'? He's very intelligent and he's going to know the rules and how to fight and how to win. He fights to win on points, I fight to tear people's heads off their body. That's the difference between him and me. I know he has some submission wins, but he doesn't seem to throw anything with bad intentions. I haven't seen any weapons out of him that look like they can do damage. He has some knees, but they don't look devastating, he has nothing I haven't seen.

It seems like you're always switching from Colorado to Hollywood, why is that? I like to train at altitude. I trained out New Mexico a bit for my last fight. The only thing to fear in a fight is running out of gas. When I train at altitude, I'm sure that I will be able to have the gas tank I need so I can put the pedal to the metal when I'm in the cage. Knowing that I can go so hard like that frees me from all worrying or doubt. I just open up. Outside that I've been training with GSP's old wrestling coach and he is great. I'm working out with Marquardt and Ed Herman and tough, tough guys. Running up peaks and doing all these mountain runs with weight vests. The altitude and training partners out in Colorado puts me in a place where I'm just so confident in the work I put in, that I'll be able to just go out there and have fun when the time comes. That's what he has to look forward to. I immerse myself in this to improve my self and I let that inner animal out, to be my primal self and having a full gas tank is important in that.

After your last fight with Magno Almeida, you cut a video encouraging all fighters not to tap out. Do you still stand by it? You know, I'm trying to evolve, I'm trying to learn from my mistakes. I guess it really depends on the moment. If it's other people no I'm going to say tap out, tap out right away. For me I want to keep the match going. Self preservation is great for other people, for me I would rather die than lose. When I go out there I go out there to lay it down. Going out there with that mentality that I have that my training is right and I've done what I can so I can be free to take whatever the combat has for me in the cage. No I don't recommend anyone not to tap. But for me as a Colorado fighter that's my choice. I'm not going to tap.

Speaking of tappping out, do you think the earth will submit to whatever 2012 apocalypse the Mayans foretold? No the Earth won't. We are just a minor problem for the Earth right now. As far as if the Mayans are right and we're wiped out? I don't know but if something happens I'll be up in the mountains of Colorado leading the army of the new world.

How can a person increase their enjoyment of life? Learning to live in the moment not the future, not the past, and to free themselves from worry and just breathe and focus on the gift that is the present moment. Know that every breath is a blessing and every moment is such a gift and so beautiful. If you're worrying about the future then you are missing out on the moment. Forget past mistakes, live.

Why did you choose 10th planet (as a gym)? When I moved out to California in 2006 I was working a desk job selling dental equipment and I really missed the competition. I was talking to my college roommate and I was saying how I wanted to go out and mix it up and he told me about Eddie Bravo. There was a guy out by me who was teaching Jiu Jitsu without the funny costume and so I went down, he invited me in and so I jumped in with both feet. Eddie was the first guy I ever trained with and no gi is a lot like wrestling and best of all it was close to my house so the rest is history.

So you prefer no gi to a gi? Yeah, well, I think the gi game is beautiful. I think it's a different game and fun, when I'm done competing I'm sure I'm going to immerse myself into the gi game. It's slower, the holds are different, tighter and more control. It's not as explosive a game, like wrestling, it's a slower game. My dad trains with a gi and has a great time. One day I will put focus on it, but guys aren't wearing a gi when I fight them...so.

Can you tell us the most satisfying experience you had under the influence of a hallucinogen? Feel free to explain in detail. The biggest thing that hallucinogens provide for me is the sense of 'one'. You know, we are all one. The acute sense that everything is right in the world. Like I said it's easy to get caught up in the future or the events of the past. But when under the influence of hallucinogens or psychedelics, I think that it sort of breaks down that sense of self or self-importance maybe. It heightens that connection to our fellow man and Earth and to our relatives that have passed. Every time that I've experienced something like that it just reaffirms my faith in the path that I'm on. These sacraments are something I may take at the start of my training camp and then again, maybe right after a fight just to check in with the universe and check in with the universal consciousness to make sure I'm on the right path.

One of the best experiences I’ve had was on psilocybin following my loss to Jorge Gurgel. I had blown out my knee a week before the fight and had really gotten beat up in the fight trying to stand with him because I couldn’t shoot off my right leg. I was really down on myself and was questioning if the sport was something I wanted to continue to be involved with. I was out in the middle of the desert and I was meditating and the clouds just sort of convened above me and I looked up to the sky and just sort of felt a sense of being embraced by the universe and wrapped up in this blanket of unconditional love. I saw myself fighting Jorge on TV and then the perspective shifted and pulled back and I saw that what I was doing in the fight was so small and tiny in the overall universal perspective. I saw that what I was doing was tiny and insignificant but I also saw that it was just one tiny moment but that it was part of a much greater cosmic battle of positive vs. negative forces in the world. I saw that by fighting with all my heart I enable people to do whatever it is that they do with all of their hearts. I saw that the outcome of the fight was insignificant, what was important was that I gave everything I had to my purpose and that I did it with love and integrity. I saw how if everyone approached everything in this manner that the positivity in the world would overcome the darkness. I cried and cried because I felt so thankful for being able to be apart of the battle in the big picture, a battle for love and compassion for our fellow man.

Is there any type of mental preparation you practice in order to not have a 'bad' hallucinogenic experience? You just have to be open to the experience. A 'bad' experience? I wouldn't label anything as bad. Losing a fight isn't bad, breaking a bone isn't bad. It's all those types of things that people put words and judgements on, it's short sighted. If you go through something that might be 'scary' or that shows you something traumatic it's just something that you can learn from. Hallucinogens are a natural teacher. look at all of our teachers. Sometimes you win a fight, sometimes you lose the fight sometimes it hurts, you have to go in with an open mind to draw from the experience and sometimes the lesson may not be the lesson you are hoping for or expecting but if you approach this with the proper respect and mindfulness, not as something to be used as a party drug or have a nice time, you can learn a lot. I use it as a sacred experience. It's a sacrament to me that enables me to expand my mind and my consciousness and it opens my eyes to the energy around me. If it's something scary or weird, what I'm learning to do is acknowledge it. If I'm feeling scared then I dive deeper and I think about how I'm scared. Why do I feel that way? I allow it to wash over me. Too many pass judgement and label something as bad, like oh this is a bad trip because you aren't seeing or feeling something you wanted. You're experience is different than your expected experience. The key is to free yourself from your expectations. I just go in and I search for the teachings. Whatever comes is what was meant to come.

Anything else you would like to add? I just want to send my love to my opponent Ryan Couture. I wish the best for him and the training camp goes wonderful and I hope he tests me and pushes me to my limits and I do the same to him so we can both take something from this experience.

Fight Day

Tue, 24 Jan 2012 22:55:00 GMT

On fight day I try to sleep as long as I can. I keep water and food like raw almonds, berries, and oats within reach of the bed. I rarely get up to go to breakfast or anything, I just continue to rest and eat slowly while in my hotel room, making sure to chew everything thoroughly and drink plenty of water. I usually get up and get moving at around noon.

I’ll start with a nice hot shower followed by some yoga poses and breathing exercises designed to bring awareness into my body and get the blood and energy flowing. After stretching, breathing, I’ll usually meditate for around 20 minutes. In my meditation I vividly imagine everything leading up to the fight, getting my hands taped, putting on the gloves, walking to the cage, feeling the Vaseline applied to my face, biting down on my mouth guard, hearing my name announced, waiving to the crowd and breathing in the energy of the arena. I visualize looking across the cage at my opponent and opening my heart to him. I bow out of courtesy and respect and invite their soul into battle, knowing that the universe will provide us both with tremendous opportunity for growth and evolution.

I watch the fight play out in my mind, bringing heightened awareness to my breathing and the way my body feels. I work to calm any tension in my body by focusing my breath into any discomfort I feel and leaning into the sensations I’m feeling while continuing to fight in my mind. I visualize finishing the fight, helping my opponent back to his feet and embracing him, giving him thanks for the opportunity to test myself and honoring his effort. I imagine the announcer proclaiming my victory and I allow the emotions to rush over me, feeling the full weight of the emotional dump. I’ll often find myself in tears, giving thanks to all those who support me in my journey. I’ll lay in child’s pose for as long as it takes for the feelings to dissipate.

Once my breath and heart rate have returned to normal I usually put on some dance music and start packing my bag for battle. I make sure to include my cup, compression shorts, fight shorts, mouth guard, ankle sleeves, kneepads, and walkout-T as well as my sweats. I remember to pack a towel so I can shower up at the arena after the fight and put on clean clothes for the press conference and the after parties.

As I board the van to head to the arena I stay focused, listening to my music on my headphones and breathing in the energy of the universe, focusing on the feeling of winning. I’m usually fighting pretty early on the card so once I’m in the locker room I’m getting my hands tapped and putting on my gear. I’ll do my warm ups, with high knees, butt kicks, squats, lunges, big jumps, and some pad work and grappling to get my heart rate to 175. Once I have my heart rate up I just go back to my yoga to get my mind focused and my muscles loose. After I’m good and warm I’ll often sit in the corner with my head down and visualize snowboarding down my favorite run back home in Colorado. This allows me to keep the mind body connection but remove myself from the fight environment to a place where I perform with precision while remaining completely relaxed and in the zone.

When the commissioner comes to get me for my fight I stand up excited and ready to shine. I take everything in, taking time to enjoy the sensations that wash over me as I enter the arena. I feel so blessed to be able to express my soul in front of the world. I walk to the cage almost as if I’m floating on air. I hug my coaches and close my eyes as the ref applies the Vaseline to my face. I visualize the ointment creating an impenetrable and protective coating across my face making me impervious to damage. I step into the cage and take a lap, breathing my intention into our battleground. I walk forward with an open heart to meet my teacher/opponent. I touch gloves honoring him and work to stay open. I acknowledge the ref’s instructions and dance back to my corner, completely ready for whatever may come.

Heun Walks Through Fire to Decision Almeida

Thu, 30 Jun 2011 07:55:00 GMT

DALLAS, June 18 – Veteran lightweight Conor Heun spoiled the Strikeforce debut of Brazil’s Magno Almeida in preliminary card action at American Airlines Center Saturday, scoring a hard-fought unanimous decision in a compelling three round scrap.

Almeida vs. Heun

Scores were 29-28 across the board for Heun.

Solid groundwork was turned in by both men in the opening stanza, with Almeida working his submission attempts while Heun unleashed hard punches on the mat, as well as kicks while his opponent was on his back.

The second round was a closely contested one as well until Almeida broke it open late with an armbar attempt that looked like it was going to finish the bout. Heun battled his way free though, drawing an appreciative roar from the crowd.

The nip and tuck action continued in the third, with Almeida almost finishing Heun with a choke. But with his usual resilience, Heun broke loose and fired away with ground strikes for the majority of the rest of the round, ending the exciting battle in style.

Heun improves to 9-4 with the win; Almeida falls to 9-2.

"If I'm not getting dropped when you break my jaw, I'm certainly not getting knocked out by a kid with no knockouts."

Sat, 18 Jun 2011 18:11:00 GMT

For Five Oz. of Pain

by Brendhan Conlan

The Conor Heun competing in the cage this weekend in Dallas at “Strikeforce: Overeem vs. Werdum” may physically resemble the 8-4 lightweight who was last seen going toe-to-toe with K.J. Noons a year ago but ask Heun and you’ll find out appearance and attitude are where the similarities stop.

A long-time staple at Legends MMA and 10th Planet Jiu-Jitsu in Los Angeles, the 32-year old recently packed up shop and headed to New Mexico where he now resides as part of Greg Jackson’s camp in Albuquerque. Location is only one of the changes for Heun has undergone since nearly outpointing Noons last June, and, as he shared with Five Ounces of Pain, a big part in why people who watch his fight should expect to see an upgraded “Hurricane” hit the ring on Saturday night.

“They’re not gonna recognize me,” Heun said of MMA fans. “I’ve got a whole new set of skills, a whole new gameplan, (and) new coaches. Everything should be different, right?”

“I’ve definitely made a lot of changes,” he elaborated on the subject of his new surroundings and skills. “I left Legends MMA in California and 10th Planet Jiu-Jitsu and moved out to the TapouT Ranch in Edgewood, New Mexico where Leonard Garcia and Donald “Cowboy” Cerrone train. I train with those guys at Jackson’s. I wake up. I go running, I come back and do my yoga, then drive down to Jackson’s in Albuquerque and spar with the guys. Drive back in the afternoon, usually get a grappling workout or pad workout in come evening. And that’s really all that there is. There’s no going out, there’s no bars, there’s no girls. There’s nothing but fighters trying to be the best they can be.”

Working alongside the likes of UFC veterans close to his weight like Cerrone and Garcia was a core component of Heun’s decision to move East, explaining, “I just didn’t have the quality of sparring partners like I needed (in L.A.) – there was only one other pro in the gym at the time and that was Matt Horwich. Legends MMA has great guys but they’re all amateurs. In fact a lot of them are looking to make their pro debut in July for Shark Fights.”

Other bonuses to his new home include the ability to increase his fitness based on altitude, an aspect of his arsenal also assisted by the inclusion of his brother Aaron Heun who also happens to be a professional cyclist.

“He always thought my cardio was my strong suit but after seeing my fight with Noons he sorta asked me what happened where I gassed. He’d never seen that before,” Heun said of his younger sibling. “He’s really a genius when it comes to the science of cardio and physical performance. He’s just a real bright kid.”

“I don’t think I’ve ever been in better shape than I am right now,” he continued. “I’ve never sparred with the caliber of guys I’m working with every day. I’m getting the baddest men on the planet every single day in the gym.”

The only downside to training at Jackson’s MMA? “It takes a little bit of toll on my confidence so I’m not as quite as confident as I normally am going in to the fight,” Heun joked of his improved training partners.

The fight Heun is of course referencing is tomorrow evening’s preliminary pairing against Magno Almeida, a 9-1-1 BJJ blackbelt who has won his last five fights. Heun spoke candidly about his mindset in reference to Almeida saying he didn’t expect to tap out no matter the situation and had no real concerns about the Brazilian’s striking.

“I know he likes Kimuras and Keylocks and Armbars, but I’ve been wrestling since I was five years old…I’ve been doing Jiu-Jitsu with Eddie Bravo since 2006. I feel pretty comfortable (on the ground) but he’s got eight submissions in nine victories so he’s a submission machine.”

“He’s certainly not going to finish me with an Armbar,” said Heun. “I mean he can take it off and mail it to me COD if he wants. I’m not tapping to an Armbar, that’s for damn sure!”

“If he wants to finish the fight with me he better knock me out and a lot of the best guys in the world have tried. Noons is considered to be one of the top strikers in MMA, definitely at lightweight, and he couldn’t knock me out. According to Compustrike numbers I hit him more times than he hit me. My chin’s been tested. People say it’s granite but its titanium. I got a titanium plate in it when I fought Marlon Matias. He broke my jaw with a knee a minute and a half into the first round. If I’m not going to drop when you break my jaw I’m certainly not getting knocked out by a kid with no knockouts.”

Heun’s focus on victory is as clear as the desire to compete after only fighting twice in the past two years due to injury and contractual issues, both matters since taken care of.

“I’m willing to take this fight wherever it goes but I want to beat this kid up, I want to hurt him,” Heun passionately stated. “I want a knockout standing. I only have one TKO and I’ve been working on my striking. I flew back to LA and worked with my boxing coach, Frankie Liles. I’ve been working with all the great coaches out here in New Mexico. I mean I’ve got a lot of pent up aggression fighting once a year. That doesn’t sit well with me. I’m ready to let it all hang out.”

“I got my contact re-signed by Zuffa after the purchase and obviously it wasn’t for winning fights – it’s for the way that I fight,” Heun continued. “I go out and I try to finish. I march forward throwing bombs. And that’s what everybody’s gonna see this time except I’m not going to get tired so I’ll be throwing just any many bombs, just as hard, in the third round as I’m throwing in the first round if he makes it that long. If he wants to take it to the ground and manages to get me there, good luck…I’m pretty deep down there too. I just want to put on a show, show my heart – my improved cardio and my improved striking – and I’m force in this weight-class. I’m 32 years old, I’m getting up there…but I want the belt.”

“I’m here to let people know I’m the real deal. I’m no pushover. Anyone who fights me wakes up the next day and knows they’ve been in a fight, but that’s not enough…I need to get my hand raised. No one else is doing it for me so I’m looking for a knockout, a TKO, a submission. I’m marching forward and there’s no way I’m getting tired. I’d be really impressed to see me anybody match me cardio-vascularly and match my heart. I don’t think I can be knocked out. I know that sounds cocky but I’ve taken some shots and I don’t go down. I sure as hell am not tapping to an Armbar. Edson Berto had my arm and popped it but in a fight you gotta do something better than that. You’ve got to turn off the switch and stop the flow of blood to my brain. If you can put me to sleep, more power to you.”

Stopping Heun is something no fighter has done yet, a fact not lost on the fiery Californian with three Split Decisions in four total losses. “I would like to leave a fight feeling like, ‘Okay, that guy was better.’ I’ve never felt that, like I’ve lost a fight. I’ve only been a little behind on the cards when the time ran out.”

A number of other notable lightweights like Noons, Justin Wilcox, Jorge Masvidal, and J.Z. Cavalcante will also see action this weekend. All of those match-ups intrigue Heun including Noons who he feels he defeated regardless of the judges’ rendering in their 2010 throwdown.

“Noons is fighting Masvidal for the #1 contender’s spot and I feel like I beat him. He cut me up and I understand damage plays a huge part but I had a near submission in the first round,” Heun explained. “ If I’d been a little more in tune with what was going on I might have capitalized on that. There were no elbows on the ground and I think I may have finished them if there were. I’ve never lost a fight where elbows were allowed. I’m coming in here in the best shape I’ve ever been in to do damage.”

However, Heun stopped short of calling the hard-hitting Hawaiian out.

“I’ve got a lot of respect for Noons. I talked to him in Vegas at the Zuffa Fighter Summit, and if he gets through Masvidal and beats Gilbert Melendez – a pretty steep hill to climb – and he’s holding the belt then I’ve got my eye on him. But I really just have my eyes on whoever is in front of me.”

In closing Heun mentioned fans can check him out on Twitter and also made sure to stay true to his roots by showing love to a few sponsors who won’t be able to advertise on his gear at “Strikeforce: Overeem vs. Werdum” due to policy regarding certain types of support.

“I’d like to thank the sponsors that have been with me forever – Melee Fight Gear, On the Mat, and Bite Defense. Those guys started out with me and I don’t think they’re able to do anything for this fight due to the Zuffa sponsorship thing. Basically a week ago we found out a week ago all nutrition or apparel sponsors have to pay $10,000 per fighter or $100,000 per year. It really sucks I’m not able to help those people who helped me to get where I am. So Steve from Melee, Scott from On the Mat, and Mike from Bite Defense…those guys have been behind me, helped me out, and I really appreciate that. (Fighters) start out and those guys were sponsoring me when they weren’t getting anything for it. They’re giving me $500 to watch me fight in front of 500 people and get no return on it. It’s a shame that now I’m fighting on TV that I can’t return the favor and show them some love.”

Heun’s in-ring affair with Almeida can be seen live on HDNet along with the rest of the Strikeforce prelims starting at 8:00 PM EST. Other bouts include Mike Bronzoulis vs. Todd Moore and Wilcox vs. Cavalcante.

Conor Heun Putting Everything on the Line at Saturday's Strikeforce

Sat, 18 Jun 2011 18:07:00 GMT

For MMA Weekly by Mick Hammond

After suffering back-to-back losses for the first time in his career, Strikeforce lightweight Conor Heun has taken steps to ensure his return to the promotion this Saturday will go differently.

“I’m not one to keep doing the same thing and expect different results,” Heun told MMAWeekly.com. “I packed up everything and left Hollywood, drove out to New Mexico, and am living on (Donald) ‘Cowboy’ Cerrone’s ranch up in Edgewood and began training at (Greg) Jackson’s with the best fighters in the world.

“I’ve sacrificed just about everything to make this happen. I’m single-minded in pursuit of the goal of being the best. I think when I step in the cage this Saturday night; people are going to see an entirely different fighter.”

Heun also employed the help of his brother Aaron, a professional cyclist, to develop a workout that’s going to allow him to push the pace for a full 15 minutes if need be without gassing out.

“He sort of explained to me the science of lactate threshold and VO2 Max and how to build up your body’s ability to process lactic acid and expand the amount of oxygen you’re able to get to your muscles,” said Heun. “With him sort of at the helm of my cardio; I feel better than I ever have.”

While he’s made changes to his game, do not think that means he’s changed his fight philosophy.

“I lost both my fights with Strikeforce and they re-signed me to a contract, and it’s certainly not because I back up and avoid people,” he said. “I go out there to smash people and prove that I’m better than him.

“When I go out there and the door closes and the bell rings, I’m looking to establish my dominance and show the other guy that he made a mistake in signing that dotted line to face me. I think anybody that’s ever fought me will tell you that win or lose, they were in a war.”

Such is the mentality he’s carrying into his bout with the debuting Magno Almeida on the HDNet televised Strikeforce: Overeem vs. Werdum undercard from Dallas on Saturday night.

“I know he has excellent jiu-jitsu – definitely the best jiu-jitsu of anyone I’ve fought – but to the best of my knowledge, that’s gi-based jiu-jitsu, and I’m not wearing a gi in the cage,” said Heun. “I’m going out there, bite down on my mouthpiece, and throw bombs.

“If Magno isn’t up to speed, it won’t be a war; it will be a real quick night. If he’s training and he’s as bad as they say he is, then it looks like we’re going to war.”

Never one to back down from a challenge, Heun saw his own limitations as such and aggressively eliminated them so he could begin to move up the 155-pound ladder and inspire others.

“Come out to the fight or check it out on HDNet,” he closed out. “Follow me on Twitter @ConorHeun and stay in touch and let me know what you think.

“I’ve never been in a boring fight, and come fight day I’m looking to go out there and shine and inspire people to chase their dreams; the winning and losing come second.”

Bleacher Report Strikeforce: Conor Heun: "To me, finishing people is what's most importaint."

Sat, 18 Jun 2011 18:03:00 GMT

For Bleacher Report, By Ed Kapp

Known for his exciting fighting style, Conor Heun, who returns to action this weekend, will be looking to put on another highlight-reel performance—as the American lightweight is slated to take on Magno Almeida—a fast-rising Brazilian prospect—on Saturday evening at Strikeforce: Overeem vs. Werdum in Dallas.

I recently had the opportunity to speak with Conor Heun about, among other topics, his early days in mixed martial arts, his recent move to Greg Jackson’s camp in New Mexico, and what he hopes to achieve in this sport.

Do you remember your first day of wrestling?

My first day of wrestling? No, I don’t. I remember my first match, though...I got pinned without getting my thumb out of my mouth [laughs].

[Laughs] Did that shape the way that you looked at wrestling?

[Laughs] I don’t know, but it shaped the way that I looked at the ceiling from then on. I never really got comfortable sleeping on my back. Training with Eddie Bravo changed all of that, though; now I’m really comfortable training there.

What inspired you to try your hand at mixed martial arts?

After college, I was out in L.A. and I was looking for a way to feed that competitive fire, so I started training jiu-jitsu with Eddie—on the recommendation of my college roommate. He told me about this guy that was doing jiu-jitsu that was a lot like wrestling; mainly because you didn’t have to wear the gi.

I started training with Eddie and he had some fighters that were training with him at the time; namely Jason Chambers and Amir Rahnavardi. Those guys encouraged me. At the time, I had been in a ton of street-fights, but I had never had a fight with a date set and the idea kind of scared me.

I’ve always been one to conquer my fears, so I figured, “What the hell? Why not give it a shot?” Those guys said that they thought that I had what it takes, so I took my first fight and won by rear naked choke and quit my day job shortly thereafter and started training full-time.

How were you feeling going into your first match?

I was really confident. I was a really small kid growing up, but I didn’t back down and I had, sort of, a mouth on me. I’ve been in more than my fair share of street-fights and that was going against big guys, multiple guys—you never knew what was going to happen.

The idea of fighting someone that was my size with a ref in a ring with rules, made me really confident.

What were your intentions when you started training?

What were my intentions? I just started out training jiu-jitsu as a way to stay in shape and blow off some steam and have something fun to do.

It was pretty much just training jiu-jitsu for that first fight—after that, I realized that I had a future in the sport and I wanted to learn as much as I could. It was really just trying to get as good as I could and to see how far I could take it.

Do you think, had you lost your first match, you would’ve continued on in the sport?

Yeah—I would. I lost my second fight, you know? I like competing and I think martial arts is pretty much the purest form of competition; one man vs. the other ‘til somebody says “uncle.” I really enjoy the competition and I enjoy the sacrifice and the dedication and the lifestyle choices that you need to make if you want to be great.

I was super-stoked going into that second fight—just fired up in the locker room—everyone was looking at me like I was nuts and I ended up losing a split-decision to Brett Cooper. I fought him up at 165 and he broke my nose, knocked a tooth out, and knocked me down a few times.

He hit me harder than I had ever been hit before and afterwards, the commissioner—that had seen me all happy before hand—said, “Oh, so you think you still want to do this?” and I was like, “Hell, yeah! That was the most fun I’ve ever had.”

Has this ever wavered in your mind?

No, no. I think it’s either in your blood or it’s not, you know? I like to fight; I like to test myself and establish my dominance.

Nothing for me is better than seeing the look in that other guy’s eyes when, you know, he already knows that it’s over—he hits you with his best shot and you’re there smiling at him and coming forward. I really enjoy that sense of dominance.

When did you realize that this was something that you could excel in?

I don’t know. I never lost a street-fight growing up and I think, once I found out that I could beat people up for a living, [laughs] it was a pretty natural choice.

Do you ever think about where you might be—had you not come across 10th Planet?

I’m sure I would’ve found some other way to compete; whether it be doing grappling tournaments or wrestling tournaments. My dad played rugby for a long time to fuel his desire for competition and, since I discovered jiu-jitsu, he’s discovered the sport, as well.

He’s a Colorado state white belt jiu-jitsu champion in the old man’s division, so competition is in my blood—I would find some way to compete. My little brother is a professional cyclist, so that desire to compete is in my blood.

I really like fighting and I also ran cross country—I enjoy the individual sports where you don’t have anybody to rely on but yourself. I’m sort of a loner; I don’t have a lot of friends—I like to be by myself and push myself.

I only want myself to rely on; if something happens in the cage and I lose, there’s nobody to blame but myself. I like that sense of responsibility.

Do you feel being introverted helps your mixed martial arts career?

Yeah. Fighting is a selfish sport; you need to focus on yourself and do what you need to do to be in the best place that you can be. If you’re easily distracted and you’ve got a whole bunch of people that are taking up your time and your energy, then you’re not focusing as much on the task at hand.

That’s why I moved to the TapOut Ranch in Edgewood, N.M.; there’s nothing out here and the only other guys that are out here at the ranch are the same guys as myself—they like to fight and train and put their nose to the grindstone and see how far it can take us.

Being up here with a bunch of like-minded individuals pushing is great. I think that selfishness and singular focus is definitely an important characteristic in being a champion.

What inspired your move to New Mexico?

Two losses in a row. I think the definition of stupidity is doing the same thing and expecting different results. I lost a decision to [Jorge] Gurgel in 2009 and then I lost a split-decision to [KJ] Noons last June, so I figured that whatever I was doing, wasn’t working—it was time to change it up.

How did you choose New Mexico?

[Greg] Jackson’s camp. The fact that he’s trained more champions in the history of the sport, the level of sparring partners here, the amount of guys in my weight-class; in the gym, you’ve got Cub Swanson, Clay Guida, Joe Stevenson, Diego Sanchez, [Donald Cerrone], Leonard Garcia, and a whole host of guys that you’ve never heard of, but would probably beat the shit out 90 percent of the name-fighters out there.

This is where you come if you want to be a champion and that’s my only goal.

How much of an impact do you think the camp has had on you so far?

I think it’s been pretty phenomenal; I don’t think people are even going to recognize me. My cardio is going to be absolutely unparalleled and I’ve been fighting with the top-contenders in the UFC—the best lightweights in the world—every day. Stepping into the cage with my opponent—he’s obviously an extremely tough guy—but I’m sure he’s no “Cowboy” Cerrone.

Do you regret not making the transition earlier?

No—I don’t really have any regrets; I believe everything happens for a reason. I got a lot out of being in L.A. and I’m just happy to be where I am now.

How are you feeling going into your upcoming match?

I feel great. My little brother saw me gassing in the Noons fight and came to me and offered his expertise—like I said before; he’s a professional cyclist, graduated with an engineering degree.

He’s got me doing new workouts based on my heart rate and maximum output to really dial it in and make sure that I’m getting the most of my time.

Anything can happen in a fight; you can get caught in a submission or something like that, but the only thing that you can control going into a fight is how big your gas-tank is and I guarantee that I’ve got the biggest tank that I’ve ever fought with before. It’s going to be really exciting for the fans.

Do you think—in light of the changes that you’ve been making recently—that those two straight losses could have a positive effect on your career?

Yeah; anything that doesn’t kill us makes us stronger. That was a rough period in my career—I haven’t had a win since October 2008—and that weighs heavily on me, but I believe that I’ve done everything in my power to rectify the situation. I’m really looking forward to showing my improvements on Saturday.

Do you try to predict the outcome of your matches?

I predict I’m going to win [laughs]. I predict that you’re going to see a war. I’ve lost my last two bouts, but Strikeforce renewed my contract—obviously not for my record or because I’m winning—but for how I fight. I predict the fans are going to love it; it’s going to be a scrap.

I think that’s what people want to see. If people have never seen a Conor Heun fight, be sure to watch, because if you like guys going out there to finish, that’s what I do. I’m free to take any risk at any time to win the fight and I don’t hold back; I don’t believe in winning by points.

I’ve gone to decisions, but you’ll notice that I was always taking risks, trying to finish. Some people say that I fight recklessly—giving up positions to attack submissions—but that’s not going to change. I am the fighter that I am and that’s a fighter that wants to go out and dominate.

When someone signs on the dotted line across from me, they’re saying that they’re better than me and that’s disrespect to me; I feel like they’re disrespecting me, my training camp, and my father—who’s trained me since I was five years old. So, when someone signs on the dotted line across from me, my sole intention is to punish them for that decision.

Have you always had this outlook?

I remember being a little kid and having dreams of standing over the broken bodies of my opponents, you know, I wanted to be the champion.

I wanted to be a high-school state wrestling champion and I fell short—I lost by a point in the state finals—and that hurt. I had been training for that forever and I’ve just never given up on that goal of standing on the top of the heap.

Is it more important for you to win or to put on a good show?

I think my fight-style is entertaining, but I don’t go out there thinking, “Oh, I’m going to put on a good show.” To me, what is most important, is finishing people; making them tap, knocking them out—letting them know that I’m the best.

What would a win this weekend mean to you?

It means an extra $4,000 in my pocket and, hopefully, a step closer to fighting for that belt. That’s the goal; standing on top of that heap.

What do you feel is the next step in your career?

Whoever they put in front of me. There are a lot of great guys in Strikeforce, and I just want them to keep putting them in front of me. I want to stay healthy and fight a lot.

In 2007, I fought seven times—that was a great year—and I want another year like that; where I’m able to fight and to continue to show people what I’m capable of and Saturday is the next step.

Being in a cage is when I’m the freest, it’s when I’m the happiest, it’s when nothing else matters—there are no worries or outside thoughts—just being in the zone and living in the moment; being present.

I’m never more present than when I’m in the cage and that’s something that I work with daily; I meditate for an hour a day and I do an hour of yoga every day—all of these things to help me live in the moment—but never is that moment as intense and profound as it is when that door closes behind me in that cage.

Is there anything that you can compare it to?

No.

Have you thought about how much longer you’d like to compete?

Until they strap that belt around me [laughs]. Then I’ll start thinking about something else—maybe—but I’m pretty singular in my focus; I’ve dedicated everything to this and I’ve lost lots of things in pursuit of this sport.

I want to stand on the top of the heap; I want that belt [laughs]. I want to be remembered; I want my name to live on. I want my kids to say, “One time, my daddy was the champ.”

What would that championship belt mean to you?

Just that; immortality.

How would you like to be remembered when it’s all said and done?

As somebody who never backed down; someone that never gave up and always gave it their all—that’s the most important thing to me.

I’ve coached wrestling, and I don’t care if the kid wins or loses—as long as he gave it his all—and I just want everybody that ever saw me fight to think, “Man, that kid’s got a ton of heart. He always gave it his all and he never held back—100 percent.” That’s all you can really ask for; to give the maximum effort.

Promoted

Tue, 24 Feb 2009 20:43:00 GMT

So I was bumbed out this morning, it was the third morning that I woke up pretty much unable to walk. I got caught in a vaporizer on Monday night when I was rolling with Eddie Bravo. I didn't feel it at the time but he got me pretty good and I woke up super stiff and unable to walk. My right leg was about 1 1/2 times the size of my left one. I went to the gym this morning anyway and brought my new friend Matt up there with me. After the lesson Eddie started doing belt promotions. I had gone to the locker room to change as I wasn't able to roll live due to my leg being all jacked up. My buddy Einstein said to come back out to the mat because he thought he was getting promoted and wanted me to hold the camera to take his picture. As it turns out, it wasn't Einstein who was getting the promotion.

Eddie handed over my brown belt this morning after 3 years and three months of my dedication to the 10th planet system. I felt a great sense of accomplishment but also felt that I wasn't ready to be a brown belt. As I sat back and thought about it as the day progressed I sort of wrapped my mind around it and realized that I really had earned it. It was the fastest promotion to Brown Belt in the history of the 10th Planet system (to the best of my knowledge). I definitely owe my teamates a big thank you for all the work they have all done with me on my path. I have been very lucky to be surrounded by great people along the way and have a great family behind me that has supported me in every way.

Be on the lookout because the journey is nowhere near over, this is just the begining.

"We Takin' Ova!"

Fight Like A Champion

Tue, 24 Feb 2009 20:44:00 GMT

Here is an interview I did for www.fightlikeachampion.com

I hope you like it

What's your training schedule leading up to competition (peaking & pulling back)?

I don't really have a set training schedule. I just listen to my body and do what feels right. I always get at least four striking sessions a week, two wrestling sessions, four grappling sessions, and two conditioning sessions. I add in extra runs to keep my weight down and work on whatever feels like it needs work. I don't really tend to tapper off too much because I'm usually cutting a little bit of weight and need to keep my calorie expenditure up to keep the furnace going.

What is your diet philosophy during training and off training?

I always try to eat pretty clean. In general, if you can't hunt it down or pull it out of the ground I don't eat it. I eat a lot of oatmeal, broccoli and chicken. My weakness is that I have a big sweet tooth though and have been known to polish off a few pints of ice cream during my typical week but I definitely cut out the ice cream as the fight gets closer. I usually start my day off with some fresh vegetable juice that I make at home from carrots, celery, beets, tomatoes, cucumber, ginger, and sweet peppers. I drink this after my morning run and mix it with some protein powder. I feel this starts my day off right with a lot of vitamins and nutrients. I eat oatmeal with almonds and blueberries two hours before my hard training session and finish the day with broccoli, chicken and rice.

How do you offset fear or nervousness before competition?

I started competing in wrestling when I was five so I think I have pretty much overcome most of my nervousness. I really focus on performing to the best of my ability rather than focusing on a result. I sort of take winning and losing out of the equation and this really takes all the pressure off so I am able to just relax and have fun out there. I think all the hard work and stress is in the training and that the fight should just be a fun time to show off all the hard work I have put in.

Do you believe being first to attack in the fight or wait to get in rhythm? Why?

It really depends on the fight. I usually watch my opponents previous fights and come up with a specific game plan for each fight. I have found that when I bring the fight to my opponent and force them to deal with my offense rather than the other way around I usually am more successful. I am trying to become a fighter capable of avoiding my opponents attacks and launching a perfectly timed counter offense a la Anderson Silva. Unfortunately my striking isn't at that level yet so I just try and push the pace and outwork my opponents. I am very durable and have tremendous cardio so no matter how much damage I take early in the fight I gain the upper hand as the fight progresses.

How do you adjust your game plan during your fights?

I have a hard time changing my game plan mid squabble. The one thing that helps is getting hurt or rocked. This usually turns on the autopilot and thankfully I have pretty good instincts. I just force my opponents to fight my fight by pressing forward and throwing everything I have at them. If I had to back off in a fight I am not sure if I would be able to. I go out there with the intention of overwhelming and destroying my opponent and fighting in a more passive manner, as Machida often does, does not interest me.

How do you develop mental strength to perform your best?

I developed my mental toughness growing up with my father. He was a wrestling coach and I always really looked up to him. He taught me to always try and out work everyone. It didn't matter what the task was, I was taught to always push my self farther and harder than I thought possible. If I was told to go out for firewood, I would always try to impress him with how many logs I could carry back to the house in one load. Or if it was doing chin ups, I would always strive to do one more than I had the day before. In practice when everyone did 20 push ups I did 21. At first it was because I knew he was watching and I wanted to impress him, but it eventually just became a habit. In workouts we would do what we called adversity training. For example we would be doing situations in practice and he would say that I was down by a point. I would get the escape to tie it and then the takedown to win before the time would run out. I would think the match was over but then he would say something like, "Oh, no! There's some confusion at the table and it looks like the Russian judge is indicating the takedown came after the whistle. We are in sudden death overtime." Then I would have to start on my feet with a fresh opponent and I would have to wrestle 30 second matches with fresh guys until I got the takedown. He taught me to always prepare for the worst and to make sure your training is tougher than your competition.

How do you remain motivated?

I am motivated by an internal angst and uneasiness that doesn't allow me to remain satisfied with anything. I need a constant challenge or I become bored. I fear mediocrity and am unhappy unless I am being challenged. Because of these feelings it is easy to remain motivated. The idea that someone else thinks they can beat me eats at me and drives me to prove them wrong. As long as I feel that there is a good chance my opponent will beat me, I am extremely motivated by my own fears and self doubt. I train hard to be sure that I am outworking my opponent and to give my self the confidence to stand in the cage and face my fears. I remember being almost paralyzed by fear when I knew that there was a bully waiting to fight me after school. I was so scared before hand but felt so good and such a sense of accomplishment after I choked the asshole out that I vowed I would never allow my fears to dictate my behavior. Looking at my profession, I guess that's more than a little ironic.

How do you build your strategy prior to your fights and adjust during your fights?

I watch tape with my trainer and look for weaknesses in my opponent but mainly I just rely on my strengths and ability to push the pace and bring the fight where I want it. I don't adjust much in the cage I just push forward and force my opponent to deal with my game.

LIST QUESTIONS

Favorites:

5 favorite fighters to watch Why?
Wanderlie Silva, Anderson Silva, Fedor, Shinya Aoki, Uriah Faber

Favorite products that you use (food, supplements, equipment, clothing, etc.)
AstroGlide

Favorite songs to train to:
House music and anything by Eminem

Physical:

Most common training mistakes you see:
Stopping 'cause it hurts

Most common mistakes you see with people during a fight:
Stopping 'cause it hurts

Favorite technique combinations:
Short sonic boom to suplex

Most important drills or exercises:
Adversity Training

Mental:

Most important things to remember during the fight when you're WINNNG:
Hands up, chin down, and keep working

Most important things to DO during the fight when you're LOSING:
Keep your hands up, your chin down and work harder.

What are ways to mentally prepare prior to your match?
Get warm, stretch, and imagine having the most fun you've ever had. I ride through my favorite snowboard trail in my head until I can visualize landing every trick and making every turn perfectly. This helps me focus and relax without the stress of thinking about the fight.

One Step Closer

Tue, 24 Feb 2009 20:44:00 GMT

Well, here I am. Another fight in the books, another victory, another step closer to my goal. I am sitting here at my computer trying to collect my thoughts and put together the events of the past few weeks. Where to begin?

I was offered a fight a few weeks ago that I thought was going to be on the ELite XC Heat card in Florida. As it turns out, I was really offered a fight on the Sho XC card in Chicago. I had not yet been cleared to fight since breaking my jaw so I turned the fight down after my doctor told me I shouldn't step into the cage until November at the earliest.

Fast forward to Saturday's wrestling class back in september. While teaching class I shoot in on King Gabriel, a huge kick boxer who lands a solid knee to my jaw, knocking it out of joint but the fracture held. After taking that shot, I figured "fuck it," I can fight. I was sure no lightweight was gonna land anything on me with near that much power so I might as well get back to work and start paying off my mounting credit card debt.

Wednesday comes and I show up to teach class at Legends only to find a media circus at the gym. The place is packed with people doing press for the Elite XC Heat card and everyone is there. Kimbo and Gina are the center of attention as they workout and shoot interviews to hype the upcoming event. I am forced to move my class into the boxing ring do to all the people using the mats.

Jeremy Lappen and Skala are there and stop by the ring to watch my training. I ask them if I'm still able to fight on the card in Chicago, now that I am convinced that my jaw will hold up. They are surprised that I am ready to fight but I explain that the athletic commission's original suspension is up on September 21st. Unfortunately, I am informed that that ship has sailed but that they will keep me in mind for whatever opens up.

Six days go by and I am rolling in Eddie's class on Tuesday morning when the Kyle, the desk guy comes onto the mat and tells me that I have a phone call at the front desk. "Take a message bro" I tell him as I am obviously busy.

"It's Chris and he says it can't wait," he tells me.

"Fuck!" I am already in a bad mood after not being able to fight for so long and the anxiety is getting to me. The last thing I need is my workout interrupted for some bullshit but I pick up the phone and Chris starts talking.

"Dude, I know I have made some mistakes in the past and that there was some confusion about the CBS card but I think you are gonna be real happy." I doubt it I think to myself. "I got you a fight on the CBS card with Edson Berto. Do you want it?"

"Fuck bro, I don't know. I don't know anything about this guy, let me check him out and get back to you," I tell him.

"No can do bro, they need an answer right now."

A thousand things are rushing through my head. Am I ready to fight? Will my jaw hold up? Am I in good enough shape? Who is this guy? Will I have time to prepare? Will the fight air on TV? Does my contract change?

"Fuck!", I yell "I can't decide right now . . . . Fuck it. Sure, tell them I'll fight him."

I hang up the phone and rush back to the mat with my heart racing. What did I just agree to? Who is this guy? Did Chris even think about whether it was a good fight for me or did he just throw me to the wolves because he wanted to go to Miami?

At this point I figured it didn't really matter. I had agreed to take the fight so it was time to get cracking. I had been training hard and all that was left to do was to get mentally ready. For me the mental aspect of the fight is the most challenging and the only aspect that really matters. I know personally that when my head is in the right place no one can beat me. I mean they may have more points on the judges cards when the time runs out, but no one is going to stop me in the cage.

I was plagued with doubt and uncertainty heading into the final week of my training. As it often does, the Universe stepped in to show me that this was something I needed to overcome.

It was Wednesday morning when I woke up and started getting ready to head out for a run. The phone rang, and it was Gary Stuber, a friend and training partner. He had read my post on myspace about fighting Edson Berto and wanted to tell me that it scared him. He didn't think it was a good fight for me and was so distraught that he had called one of his best friends, UFC fighter Spencer Fischer, and asked him what to do. Spencer told him that it was his duty as my friend to let me know if he thought I was taking a bad fight.

When I got the phone call, he told me that Berto was far too dangerous on his feet and that in his opinion he was probably the most dangerous well rounded striker in the division. He felt that his stand up was going to be too much for me to handle and that his wrestling was good enough to force me to stand with him. He stressed that I was still at a point in my career where I had options and that I was able to choose who I fought. He said that Spencer had reached a point where he had to fight whoever they put in front of him and had dropped a few close decisions and was now fighting untelevised on the undercard. He told me that he was going to call Chris and tell him the same thing, but he felt it was his obligation to let me know he felt I was getting myself into a bad situation and should choose someone else for my first fight back.

Well, like I said before, the mental aspect of the fight is the most important and the hardest to master and he had just thrown a major wrench into my mental mechanism.

I was freaking out.

I had already made up my mind that I was fighting and I had already committed to the fight. I am not one to back out of a fight once I have committed, even if I'm injured I step into the cage and go to work. I have never been one to back down on the street and I sure as fuck wasn't about to start backing down now. That being said, my head was a mess.

I was stomping around my apartment screaming and throwing shit, "Fuck! Why did you call me! What am I doing?"

Then I slowly started to get my shit together. Who am I? I'm a mother fucking fighter! This is who I am! This is what I do! I fight! Fuck the doubters, fuck the haters, fuck everybody! You didn't make me, you can't break me, you don't have what I have, you don't know me, you don't know what I'm capable of! I am a warrior, this is who I am! The blood that flows through my veins is the blood of a champion and if it needs to be spilled, then let it flow. I would rather live one day as a champion than a lifetime as a coward! I laced up my shoes and started running.

I was still all fucked up mentally after my run and after practice. I fought well in sparring but didn't feel I was fighting to my potential. One of my healers, Dr. Peter Goldman, runs a metaphysical study group on Wednesday nights so after practice I showered up and drove to his office.

The discussion that day was about courage. Over the course of the discussion I was able to tap into my courage and get over my fear. I really just had to remember that I am not my body. I am a spirit who has a body and that whatever happens to that body has no effect on my spirit. I told Dr. Goldman about the phone call and he told me that it was simply the Universe mirroring my own fear and self doubt that I had been projecting and that by manifesting itself in the form of the phone call it had forced me to confront my own feelings and begin to deal with them. I felt much better when I left his office that night.

I pushed hard through the remainder of my workouts at Legends and through the rest of my runs to bring my weight down. My friend, Frank "Recking Ball" Barca, was in town from Australia and was staying with me. He helped me with my stand up and helped lighten the mood when I got to intense and reminded me that this is what I love to do and that I have the best job in the world as well as the best people around me.

As the day to leave for Florida approached, I went to see Dr. Bernie Soon, another member of my support team, who did some great healing work on my body and spirit and allowed me to work through the trauma that I suffered breaking my jaw in my last fight. Once I had worked through the fear that I had internalized during that injury, I felt reborn and felt my lungs and heart really open up. After working with Bernie I was 100% sure I would perform at my peak in the cage on Oct 4th. Check out her website here (www.emdrnow.com) and tell her I sent you, maybe she'll cut me a break on the fee ;)

Chris picked me up for the flight on Wednesday morning and in typical fashion we missed the plane. I had brought all carryon luggage but when his bag needed to be checked they bumped us from the flight. It wasn't a big deal and as tired as I was I just slept in the terminal. When we were getting ready to board the next flight I saw a couple guys who looked familiar in line for the same flight. It took me a second but I soon realized that it was Mask and Scrape from the Tapout crew. I almost didn't recognize them since it was the first time I had ever seen them "out of costume." I said hello and we chatted for a minute. I was kinda apprehensive to say hello since one of my managerial team, Scott "Einstein" Epstien, had informed me that they would not be sponsoring me for this fight. This had come as quite a shock because we had a good relationship and I haven't lost a fight since they had agreed to sponsor me last year.

When we started talking the guys asked me who I was representing for the fight and I told them that I had hoped it was still them but currently I was just rocking Melee Fight Gear (www.meleefightgear.com). The Tapout guys seemed shocked to hear that their cube monkey back at corporate hadn't hooked me up. They said not to worry and that they had my back. We shook hands and I rolled to the john to take a leak.

Before I even got my cock back in my pants, my blackberry was blowing up. It was Einstein letting me know that Tapout had come through at the last minute and that they were gonna throw some heavy paper my way. Nice! I had just doubled the amount of money I was gonna make! Glad I recognized those guys, it seemed like everything was falling into place.

With the extra money from Tapout I was able to fly the rest of my team to Florida to work my corner so I called Kelly Carter (www.titleshottraining.com) and Einstein and told them to pack their bags.

I got to the hotel, checked in, and checked my weight. Everything was right where it needed to be so I just grabbed my book and jumped in bed to relax. The next day I would go for a long slow run in the morning to help get my weight down and chill by the pool. After my run I saw Christiani "Cyborg" Santos swimming in the pool and was real glad I wasn't fighting her. That girl is a beast. Her head was as big as Tito's and her legs were thicker than mine. I have no idea how she makes 140 but she looked huge. That night my weight was nice and low, I was only 6 lb. over, so I went out to sushi with my trainer Chris Reilly. He enjoyed some low grade sushi and a saki bomb while I had green tea and a few pieces of sashimi. I know raw fish before a fight may be risky to some, but I eat sashimi all the time and the main thing is to stay consistent so thats what I had.

I woke up the day of weigh-ins 5 lb. over so I suited up and headed over to the 24 hour fitness with Chris to cut the weight. We did three 5 min rounds of some real light sparring type drills to get my sweat going. Then I did three 5 min rounds on the bike, stepper, and treadmill. After that I hit the sauna to stretch out and drop the last little bit. Kelly Kobold, the girl who was fighting Gina Carano, was in there with me cutting her weight as well. Some douche was freaking out and bitching to Chris who was posted up outside the sauna that there was a girl in the locker room. I thought that was pretty gay and wished he had said some shit to her face so she could have knocked his bitch ass out. Dude, a girl in the boys locker room as a dream come true, what a weirdo.

The weight came off real easy and I headed back to the hotel to clean up and wait for the shuttle to the weigh-in.

Here's Chris Reilly chillin' in the lobby before catching a ride to the weigh-ins.

At the weigh-in I ran into my friend and former IFL Anaconda's teamate, Benji Radach. It was great seeing him and made me feel real comfortable. Sure it was my biggest fight to date, but here I was with an old friend with whom I had gone into battle before. Benji was fighting Ninja Rua and I was happy thinking about us both getting upset victories the next night.

I stepped onto the scale after witnessing Jake Shields and Paul Daley getting into in backstage and Kimbo shoving Shamrock. I was kinda pissed off and disappointed in their antics. I know they are just trying to hype up their fights but I feel like it cheapens the sport and paints the fighters in a negative light. And speaking of negative, I'm just going to ignore Gina's weight issues.

Berto and I made weight and we squared off for the pictures. I remember looking into his eyes and feeling like a great weight was weighing him down and that he had lost his love of the battle. If you don't love the battle, in the cage with me is the wrong place to be.
.

After the weigh-in, Chris and I went and ate with Scotty Nelson and Scott Berri (spelling?). When we got back to the hotel, the Elite XC top brass had been waiting for us and wanted to take us out to eat again. After dieting for weeks, I was down. We jumped into a van and headed downtown to some fancy steak house. I had the salmon and it was delightful. I also ate a number of tasty desserts, cheese cakes, creme brule, chocolate moos, etc they were all served on little lollypop things on a tree at the table. Very nice ;)

After a good nights rest, I had some oatmeal and coffee and met up with Kelly Carter of www.titleshottraining.com in my hotel room where he stretched me out and performed a lifeline on me. Lifeline is a diagnostic and treatment program designed to balance the body, mind, and spirit. After the session I went back to sleep and rested until it was time to leave for the arena.

Once in the dressing room, my team and I took over the back portion of the room by the showers and set up shop. Kelly broke out his massage table, Chris set up to tape my hands, and Einstein told fart jokes.

Once my hands where taped, I started some light sparring with Chris in the shower room.

I hit the kick pads for a little bit and remember looking down at my hands and feeling almost scared at how powerful I felt. I knew this was gonna be one hell of a fight.

After my warm up I just cleared my mind and focused on how blessed I was to be able to do what I love. I got the call and started my walk to the cage. I knew I had done everything in my power to prepare and that I had good people around me. When I got into the arena they told me there was a ten minute break before my fight and said I could go back to the dressing room. I told them I would rather stay and enjoy the moment and the anticipation. I was positioned just behind the curtain and could see the whole arena filled with people. I was loving it.

I just chilled out and danced to the music playing over the loudspeakers and allowed the moment to sink in. I remembered how it felt to compete in the state finals in front of 17,000 people and how I had blocked it all out so that I could just focus on the match. This time I wanted to really enjoy the energy of the crowd and bask in it. Standing there with my friends, getting ready to battle, dancing to M.I.A. I felt like the luckiest man alive.

Here are the rest of the pictures from the fight. I'll let them speak for themselves until I get the video. I don't really remember the fight anyway. I do know I had a real nice time.

After the fight I headed out to celebrate with my friends. We partied all over Miami with a crazy crew of fighters, agents, talent, and hangers-on. Tito was there along with just about anybody who's anybody in MMA. It was a blast. It was my first fight where I didn't drink afterwards and I was happy to be so lucid and able to really enjoy and remember everything.

The night grew into morning and the chance of making our flight grew slimmer still. I managed to round up the crew and break for the hotel but as luck would have it, we missed the flight yet again. I was exhausted and ready to sleep in the airport as long as it took to get on a flight but Chris had other plans. After our second standby flight left without us he had had enough and informed me that it was the universe telling us to enjoy the victory. Before I knew it we were in a cab on our way to The Gansevoort in south beach. Our luggage and all our clothes, however, were well on their way to Los Angeles.

Chilling poolside I felt so good, everything had gone perfect. I was finally making a name for myself and I knew that I had gotten some people's attention with my performance. I closed my eyes and enjoyed the Miami sun.

Needless to say I'm a fucking head case. For me, being mentally centered is the single most important thing for me going into a fight. People always ask me if I'm scared or if I think I will win or after the fact, if I thought I had a chance. To put it simply, yea I always think I'm going to win. In fact, I always know I am going to win. If I don't fully believe with every fiber of my being that I will win the fight, then I have no business stepping into the cage. Secondly, when you don't look at a fighting in terms of winning and losing it makes this much easier. For me, I feel I have already won the fight if I can bare my soul and give my all in the cage. If I am able to fully commit my spirit to the fight then I have already won.

Back when I was just a wrestler I always said that the worst thing about sport was that you didn't die when you lost. I hated that you could be behind on points when the time ran out and that the match was over. I hated that you could get pinned and still have a ton of fight left in you but that it was over. Nothing is worse than having someone else tell you when you have lost. Me? I've never lost. I've just been a little behind on the cards when the time ran out. The best thing about the fight game to me is that you are given pretty much every opportunity to take the fight as far as you want. When fights are 15 minutes or even 25 minutes long you have plenty of time to find out who is the better man. Outside of the knockout, which thankfully, I have never experienced, you are given the opportunity to leave it all in the cage. If you are caught in an arm bar, you have the option to tap out or let him gas out bending it the wrong way and then use it to beat him senseless. I think that submission are basically just a universally recognized way to give the man a way out. No one is going to call you a pussy for tapping out in an arm bar or to a choke but the reality is, if you still want to fight, you won't tap. If your body shuts off thats one thing, but giving up is another. I will never give up. Fuck that. Knock me out, choke me out, but get me to tell you that you're the better man? Fuck that.

That's the best fucking thing about MMA is that it allows everyone to see exactly what you are made of. Some people don't know what they are made of and fighting is a way of showing them that.

I think I fight to overcome my fear that I'm ordinary.

There is nothing worse than being ordinary, no fate worse that mediocrity.

"Our greatest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our greatest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, fabulous, gorgeous, talented? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. You're playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that's within us. It's not just in some of us. It's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we automatically give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fears, our presence automatically liberates others."

I am truly blessed to be able to do what I do. I mean, how many people can say that they have given their all to anything? I mean, really gave everything? You know why people don't give their all to anything? Because nothing hurts more than giving everything. This is why I love my job because I am able to pour every ounce of my being into one task and to pursue one goal with all my heart. Just by committing myself fully to the achievement of a singular goal, I have already won the battle of the spirit.

I don't view the world in a linear manner. I believe that my spirit is eternal and everlasting and that only my physical body or shell is temporary. I believe that I have already fought and died thousands of times. I know that I will fight for eternity and each individual event is but a ripple in the river of my existence. There is no pain that I have not felt and survived and no death that I have not already died so there is nothing to fear.

I happen to like my physical body this time around because I have been blessed with a nice one strong athletic one, at least that's what the girls say ;). However, the reality is that it is nothing more than a temporary home for my spirit and that it will eventually break down and return to the earth.

Why is it that we fear we are great? Why do people fear success more than they fear failure? Is it because once the goal has been achieved we are robbed of our sense of purpose? Who are we without a challenge? Who are we without a way to measure ourselves? Why is it that without a measuring stick against which to judge ourselves that we feel lost? Are we trying to play god? Is our desire to judge so great that without a means of determining a winner and a loser, a sinner and a saint, that we lose our lust for life? Why is it that those who are given everything, value nothing?

Is struggle the meaning of our existence? Is it only by walking through the fire that we truly know ourselves?

These are just a few of the questions that raced through my mind once I finally got back to LA and had some time by myself to decompress and look back on everything. I always get a little down after a fight but like I said, I have the best job in the world. I took a week off from training and have since gotten back in the gym. I am working very hard to continue my winning ways and my team at Legends has really come together in the weeks since my fight.

Thanks to all my sponsors and teammates for making this possible. I love you guys. And to Favi, I couldn't do it without you. And to Chris, this is just the beginning of a beautiful journey, thanks for sharing your secrets.

Knowledge of Self

Tue, 24 Feb 2009 20:46:00 GMT

Fighting is about discovering yourself, it is about forging your character, it is about daring to do the thing that is hard to do. It is about walking headfirst, unafraid into the fire. The Bible say, "We wrestle not with flesh and blood but with principalities". Fighting is not about beating flesh and blood opponents, but rather winning the internal battle. It is about overcoming fear and doubt and finding the spirit inside, finding the courage that so many lack. Fighting is a path to true self knowledge and for me, to internal peace.

I will shine brightly on Oct 4th and will inspire many to fight their personal battles head-on, unafraid, knowing that all you can do is give it everything you have and believe with all your heart that whatever transpires is what the universe has planned for you. I walk unafraid, unencumbered by doubt, and free to take any risk to achieve my ultimate goal of enlightenment and self knowledge. All you can do is let go, let God, and fight with every fiber of your being. I hope you all will join me as I face my destiny. With great sacrifice comes great reward.

I would rather live one day as a lion than a lifetime as a lamb

It's About That Time

Tue, 24 Feb 2009 20:46:00 GMT

So I was offered a fight a few weeks ago. Then I was told it was a mistake and was offered a different fight. I missed the deadline for that fight and thought I was out of luck. I was disapointed to say the least. I mean I really need the money and that's to say nothing of my deep seated need to express myself through physical violence. I was pissed, depressed, and feeling a little hopeless.

Today I was offered another fight and this one I took. This fight is going to be much more difficult than the one I was initially given. This fight is sooner than I had planned on fighting. This fight is my destiny.

I'm fighting Edson Berto on the Elite XC Heat card in Sunrise Florida on Oct 4th. My Fight may or may not be televised but I can guarantee you won't want to miss it. This is my first opportunity to get back in the cage following my victory on March 21st in which I broke my jaw. I have put in a lot of work, made huge sacrifices, and changed both as a fighter and as a person.

Mark your calenders, set your tivos, and check out proelite.com on Oct 4th because it's my time to shine. Win or lose, you will see me bare my soul to the world and redefine determination and heart. It's going to be beautiful and I promise you won't want to miss it.

Infinite love and gratitude bitches, it's time to bang.

Filling the Void

Tue, 24 Feb 2009 17:36:00 GMT

Something is missing, something is wrong
Where I should feel something, all feeling is gone
Restless I sit, alone in my head
I can't find the feelings that made me say what I said

Anxious and angry, reckless and scared
This emptiness haunts me, my judgment's impaired
Demons of doubt that so long lay at rest, are gnawing away at a hole in my chest
Emptiness haunts me, a complete lack of pain
If someone feels nothing, does that make them insane?

I lace up my shoes without knowing why
How can you run from something inside?
I put on my headphones to keep others away
I turn off my phone for the things I might say

I turn up the volume and run down the stairs
Faster and faster, my speed drawing stares
I push and I push till there's no air to scream
Force feeding my demons, a breakfast of pain

Farther and faster and higher I climb
Fleeing devils of doubt entrenched in my mind
They bathe in my bloodstream and fill me with doubt
They siphon my sanity till I've nearly tapped out

Will I survive or be torn apart or will I be saved by the strength of my heart?
How far must I go to answer my questions?
Why do the most brutal battles bring the most valuable lessons?

Will the love of an angel survive my depression?